Week 4 was a whirlwind. There were some really good wins and also some really poor performances. Chiefs and Lions was a movie. Giants and R*dskins was one sided. Bears exposed Kirk Cousins. A lot went down, so let’s see how it effected the Official Weekly Power Rankings.
Last week we graded everyones playoff chances using the Kamara Hot vs Cold Cool Scale. Those will probably stay the same so this week I am going to cast each teams Quarterback in a movie that they can star in. For obvious reasons, I will call this the Brady Scale.
32. Miami Dolphins (Last week: 32)
Nothing has changed here. They had a lead for a little bit but that was the only high point.
Brady Scale: Josh Rosen as an accountant that works for a non traditional firm where he does a lot of cocaine and has sex with models.
31. New York Jets (Last week: 31)
Bye week. Still not worse than the Dolphins.
Brady Scale: Luke Falk as a truck driver that accidentally picks up a large shipment of drugs (Cocaine) and he has to drive and fight. He’s also a judo instructor.
30. Cincinatti Bengals (Last week: 30)
They messed around and got their breaks beat off by the Steelers. Just a nonexistent football team.
Brady Scale: Andy Dalton as a farm owner where he has a great relationship with his dog because he can’t get a girlfriend.
29. Washington Redskins (Last week: 29)
Another 0-3 team, the only good decision they have made is finally playing Dwayne Haskins. Although he looked bad he still is a reason to give this team any hope. Now that he has a whole week to prepare he should be better.
Brady Scale: Dwayne Haskins as the cool school teacher where he teaches the kids real life lessons based on his past experiences.
28. Denver Broncos (Last week: 26)
I thought they were better than they’re record showed because I thought the defense had promise. Now that their young star Bradley Chubb is out with a torn ACL they are in a strange spot. And Flacco is still the QB.
Brady Scale: Joe Flacco as a guy that gets divorced by his wife and loses his job due to drunken misconduct at his company Christmas party so he must coach his sons little league football team to prove to himself and others that he’s not a bad guy.
27. Arizona Cardinals (Last week: 24)
It’s not Kyler’s fault. I cant stress that enough. I just hope he doesn’t get hurt running for his life.
Brady Scale: Kyler Murray in a biopic of XXXTentacion
26. Pittsburgh Steelers ( Last week: 25)
They got a W and went down a few spots. They showed that they can win games against bad teams by keeping big plays to a minimum.
Brady Scale: Mason Rudolph as a former frat kid that gets in trouble at his job in the mayors office because someone found out that he tweeted the N word when he tweeted out some rap lyrics before his high school basketball game.
25. New York Giants (Last week: 27)
Daniel Jones was looking good and their defense made some big plays. Granted they played a really bad R*dskins team they skill have won 2 in a row.
Brady Scale: Daniel Jones as a a youth pastor that gets roasted all movie long in this summers family comedy.
24. Oakland Raiders (Last week: 28)
They are starting to get it all together. The game plan of “Get Josh Jacobs The Ball” is starting to come around. Still can get better on defense but they are showing promise.
Brady Scale: Derek Carr as a used car sales man that makes way more money than he should and he does not spend his money wisely.
23. Atlanta Falcons (Last week: 19)
They went out got beat down at home by the Titans. They did not look good on defense and they can’t get anyone going that isn’t names Julio.
Brady Scale: Matt Ryan as an Alabama congressman that says he wants to help the small counties but really he’s just as corrupt as everyone else.
22. Carolina Panters (Last week: 23)
Christian McCaffery is their best player and as long as he touches the ball on every play then they will win games.
Brady Scale: Kyle Allen as a young military cadet that is too trigger happy and needs to learn the ways.
21. Los Angeles Chargers (Last week: 20)
They beat the Dolphins but they were losing at one point. I don’t think Melvin Gordon will put them over the mountain top but he will add more depth.
Brady Scale: Philip Rivers in a Buddy Cop movie where he is the partner that follows the code while his street smart partner is more of a loose cannon.
20. Tennessee Titans (Last week: 21)
They looked really good again and they might be legit its just impossible to judge because Mariota is so inconsistent. Derrick Henry is still a beast and the defense is good.
Brady Scale: Marcus Mariota as an ancient warrior in the Live action Moana.
19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (Last week: 22)
Jameis Winston and that Bucs offense was running on all cylinders against the Rams. Jameis doesn’t turn the ball over all the time anymore. The defense is solid too.
Brady Scale: Jameis as Phillip Rivers’ street smart partner in their Buddy Cop movie.
18. Buffalo Bills
They lost to the Patriots in a hard fought game but they are too reliant on their defense. Josh Allen is too careless with the ball but he has the talent to be a good playmaker.
Brady Scale: Josh Allen as a guy that loves to spend time with his grandmother where they bake pie and try to win the blue ribbon at the fair.
17. Jacksonville Jaguars
Gardner Minshew is as electric as a Quarterback can get. The dude is fun to watch because he’s quick, confident and he can make big time plays. The defense will rely on whether Ramsey plays or not.
Brady Scale: Gardner Minshew as a kung fu master for the local underdog suburban dojo. He teaches how to kick butt and how to have good family values.
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16. San Francisco 49ers (Last week: 15)
Bye week. Other teams looked really good and I do not trust them.
Brady Scale: Jimmy G as a guy that is beloved by many but when one thing goes wrong, everything unravels and it shows his true dark side.
15. Indianapolis Colts (Last week: 10)
They got beat up by the Raiders and even though they were missing their best player, there were some major flaws in their defense that will cost them.
Brady Scale: Jacoby Brissett as a door to door cable salesman that encounters trouble while on the job in a wealthy neighborhood.
14. Philadelphia Eagles (Last week: 15)
Statistically speaking, Carson Wentz is the best QB in football. They looked great against the Packers and are set to compete for the NFC East.
Brady Scale: Carson Wentz in a biopic of Prince Harry
13. Detroit Lions (Last week: 17)
They’re defense gave up 34 points to the Chiefs but it felt like they shut them down. The offense has a ton of weapons and they could be a very scary team in December.
Brady Scale: Matt Stafford as a guy that has been in college for 15 years and he has the best room in the frat house and he just parties all day because his Dad’s name is on the engineering building.
12. Minnesota Vikings (Last week: 7)
Kirk Cousins got rocked against the Bears and that may have exposed some issues that other players have with him. Thielen is not happy and Diggs probably isn’t either. Dalvin Cook is still good but they are stuck.
Brady Scale: Kirk Cousins as a guy that works in a Men’s Warehouse that wins a free cruise and meets a hot girl on vacation and oh the hilarity that ensues.
11. Houston Texans
Normally when someone is having a bad game. Deshaun Watson saves the day. When Deshaun Watson has an off game there is no saving them. The defense is very average and if they cant score they’re an ugly team to watch.
Brady Scale: Deshaun Watson as a pirate that has to sail into the depths of the ocean in order to find a missing treasure on an abandoned island
10. Seattle Seahawks (Last week: 13)
Russ is still looking really good. The defense is starting to come together. Once they limit turnovers its going to be fun to watch this team.
Brady Scale: Russ Wilson as a Super Spy that has to stop evil villain Future from taking over the world.
9. Baltimore Ravens (Last week: 6)
They got smacked by the Browns but it was in similar fashion. The defense is lost in space and once they help out Lamar it will be a different story.
Brady Scale: Lamar in a Kodak Black biopic.
8. Cleveland Browns (Last week: 12)
Nick Chubb was looking like the best running back in the league and when you have to scheme for that and Odell and Jarvis… The opposite defense will be struggling regardless who it is.
Brady Scale: Baker Mayfield as a boxer from the tough streets of New Jersey fights all the way to the City finals.
7. Chicago Bears (Last week: 11)
They lost their starting QB but that defense is so damn good that it doesn’t matter who is playing QB for them. As long as Chase Daniels can put up some points the defense will do their part.
Brady Scale: Chase Daniel as an owner of a bar that specializes in craft beers and he try’s to make friends like this.
6. Green Bay Packers (Last week: 5)
They could have dropped more after such a poor performance from their defense. Rodgers did a lot for this team last week and their defense got picked apart by Wentz and the Eagles. It was a pretty bad showing against a good team and they almost got the W. Not bad for the first loss.
Brady Scale: Aaron Rodgers as a sherif in an 1800’s era town. He spends all his time in the saloon and runs his town with an iron fist.
5. Dallas Cowboys (Last week: 3)
The first time that this squad played anyone of skill and they lost to the Saints team that didn’t even score a touchdown. Its a down week for the Boys but they’ll figure it out.
Brady Scale: Dak as a guy that gets beat up on vacation then comes home and takes a Karate class led by Gardner Minshew’s character.
4. New Orleans Saints (Last week: 9)
Even without Drew Brees they are a team that can grind out a win in any game. This team is so incredibly talented on both sides of the ball that even with Teddy Bridgewater playing incredibly timid football they can still win games until Brees gets healthy.
Brady Scale: Teddy Bridgewater in the 2019 Remake of the Cuba Gooding Jr. film Radio.
3. Los Angeles Rams (Last week 4
Jared Goff threw the ball away too many times to count and he still threw 500 yards. They may have lost to the Bucs but they showed fight after giving up an early lead. Trap game at its finest.
Brady Scale: Jared Goff as a guy that changes schools so no one likes him, then he shows up in a cool car and everyone starts trying to talk to him until he gets in a fight for trying to get with his best friends girl.
2. Kansas City Chiefs (Last week: 2)
The Chiefs almost blew one to the Lions in a game where Mahomes underperformed by throwing for 300+ Yards and 0 touch downs. His offense still put up numbers as they squeaked by the Lions.
Brady Scale: Pat Mahomes as a baseball player that discovers a new found love for singing and he wants to quit baseball to be in the local musical.
1. New England Patriots (Last week: 1)
The Pats squeaked by the Bills in Buffalo but a win is a win and they looked fine doing it. The defense stays making big time plays and even when the refs try to slow their offense down they find ways to score.
Brady Scale: Tom Brady as a vlogger that travels the world and makes cool YouTube Videos. He makes a ton of money but faces an ethical dilemma in the end.
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